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michaella
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Joined: 05/24/2010

Butterfly I am that you enjoyed yourself, as for me I am taking a break from active ttc for a few months. I want to rediscover myself because I no longer know who I am and what my purpose in life is. I hope after the break I will be okay. I will be be popping in now and then just to check on you guys.
Baby dust to all of you.

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butterfly99
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Joined: 02/24/2010

I think that is a wonderful idea... TTC is so consuming and you do forget who you are in the process and what life was like before TTC. I feel like the last year and a half has flown by without me! Many blessings to you.

michaella
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Joined: 05/24/2010

I feels good to be back Smile . TTC can literally destroy you if you are not careful, I thank God that I realised it before it was too late. I am officially no longer ttcing and I am happy about it. No more bbt charting, no more OPKs no more timed BDing, just me and DH doing what we do best. I never thought that one day I would accept that it was never meant to be, it is not easy but with God nothing is impossible. I have been praying about it for so long and I hope that God will keep me strong. Don't get me wrong I want a child so much but I just have to let go and let it be.

This is the beginning of a new life for me and DH. I guess I need an award for ENDURANCE, 6 years is not a joke Laughing out loud.

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michaella
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Joined: 05/24/2010

I am living one day at a time. Sometimes I ask myself if did the right thing, I had to do it because I could not take it anymore. DH says that since you are not on BC maybe it will happen, but I am not looking forward to that. I consider that chapter closed. I can see it in his eyes that he still wants to be a father though he doesn't say it to me. One thing that ttc taught me is that we cannot always have what we want when we want it, there are some powers above us that control our lives.

I used to think that not being able to have a child is that worst thing that can happen to a person but believe you me it is not. While I was ttc I became very close to a cousin of mine we grew up together and she really understands me. She is hitting 38yrs and she is still single never had a serious relationship and she is so desperate to find a husband. So this day I was telling her about how unfair life is, that I cannot have a baby yet some people are actually dumping their kids, she just looked at me and said sometimes we are so absorbed in trying to get what we do not have and we forget what we have. She told me how every time she sees me with my DH she wishes she was me. She said she just wishes she could find a husband to share her life with, someone who is always there for her. I just started crying and I apologised to her.

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michaella
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Joined: 05/24/2010

God has a plan for everyone, but sometimes it is so hard to accept it. I yearned for a long time to have a child and it never happened and to make matters worse the infertility was unexplained. I cried my eyes out every time I saw a pregnant woman or every time I saw a baby. I came to a point were I accepted that maybe its was not meant to be. My husband was not prepared to take the ART route, because like he always put it if there is nothing wrong with us, it wil happen when the time. It felt like he didn't want a child to me, but believe me he did. He used to say to me jokingly that his swimmers are waiting for that special egg and that when they find the will fertilize it. It wasn't funny because according to me my time was running out. Eventually I came to terms with my situation. I stopped bbting, opking, no timed bding and just let nature take its course. We decided to stop actively trying in January 2011. Fast forward to last week, af was due on Monday but she didn't come. I never thought anything of it because sometimes she is 2 days. Come Wednesday af still was no where to be seen so I said to myself is af does not come tommorow then I will test. Thursday came but af did not, I went to the shops and I bought a pregnancy test and I took. For the first time in more than 8 years I got a POSITIVE. I almost fainted. I went back to the shops to buy another test because I had only bought one and it was positive. My husband birthday was there on Saturday so I wanted to wait and tell him on his birthday. I waited for only 30 minutes and I couldn't take it anymore so I called him and I told him and he could believe it in the end he said I bet u produced a golden egg last month, because it took so long for my swimmers to finally approve and we laughed about it. When he came home after work he just wanted to hold me in his arms. For all those years we we ttcing I had never seen him cry, but he cried while he was holding me, and he said to me honey I know u might not believe this but I wanted to have a baby so desperately but I had to be strong for both of us. That was a very emotional moment for me. So guys I am finally pregnant and I don't know what to do with myself.

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estone
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Joined: 10/18/2011

congrats!

tlee
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Joined: 04/03/2011

Wow, Michaella that is an amazing story! What a beautiful blessing for you and your husband!! Congratulations! You must be in disbelief! Please keep us up to date on how you're feeling, and how things go as that little bean of yours grows! Pregnancy and motherhood is a wonderful journey! Enjoy!!!

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michaella
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Joined: 05/24/2010

Thank u so much guys. I still cannot believe it.

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michaella
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Joined: 05/24/2010

wk 6 and morning sickness has already kicked in. mine is not morning sickness but whole day sickness. I have tried everything ginger, lemon but it's not working. just the smell of anything makes want to puke. I can't eat anything. I hope this will go away soon.

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molls
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Joined: 02/02/2011

Michaella your story is just amazing and I cried while reading it. I am so Garry for you. Huge Congrats to both you and your Dh. It just shows it can happen. When people believe it cannot. And your Dh reaction is just so sweat. Keep us up dated, please. Sorry you are sick already but look at it as a good sign that those hormones are building up. Hope you find something to ease the sickness soon. Again huge Congrats. You are starting on an amazing journey.

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