113 replies [Last post]
Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

**comments not necessary (read: no comments, please)**
 

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #1
May 1, 2010

"Pregnant... again." But, the phrase implies that I've already had one child, so that seems inaccurate. "History of miscarriage, pregnant for now." That seems more fitting, at least for me.

I've had a miscarriage, and I'm afraid that this pregnancy may end up as one too. Paranoid? Perhaps. Neurotic? Likely. But, maybe it's just good old-fashioned pessimism.

I came across a brilliant quote on a Dove Promises chocolate wrapper (don't judge me...) that said:

"A pessimist is really an optimist with experience."

Ain't that the truth! I've taped it to my computer screen at work as a daily reminder that:
a) I eat too much chocolate
and
b) my frequent Paranoid Neurotic Pessimistic Disorder (PNPD for short) is not a mental illness made up by me as an attempt to make light of my depressing personality, but is merely a realistic/experienced view on life.

I want so badly to tell friends and family. I want so badly to join PP threads and chitchat with other winter mothers (my EDD is Jan. 10, 2011). But, I don't want the heartbreak again-- having to break the news to someone. I don't want to be perceived as a victim. So although I'm so very happy and relieved that I'm pregnant, I feel I should place an asterisk* next to it and a footnote referencing the phrase "... for now."

Molls.

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #2
May 4, 2010

You know, your heart gets a little callused month after month after month of failed attempts at TTC. Then to make it all kinds of worse, it freezes over after a miscarriage.

Kate DiCamillo describes it best when she writes:

"When your heart breaks it can grow back crooked. It grows back twisted and gnarled and hard." - Tale of Despereaux

Well, my good friend Mia just phoned me to tell me that she is 8-weeks pregnant. And, you know what--considering that I think myself "tentatively-pregnant" and how broken I've been this past year with the whole TTC thing, I am truly happy for her. Now, if she told me this a couple months ago, anger would've festered in my heart-- poisoned with envy and resentment. Overly dramatic... I know. But, I do feel happy for her.

Progress.

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #3
May 9, 2010 (Happy "Molly Weasley Day!")

The last thing I should be doing is blogging as I'm back-logged for WEEKS in grading papers. But alas, here I am further delaying the inevitable.

Just this past week, I've found out that three of my peers have been "sperminated" (thank you PerezHilton.com). From what I gather, the term "sperminated" suggests that the parents are not married. Turns out, all three women are not married to the baby's father. They live a non-traditional modern lifestyle. I'm not judging, but rather adopt the idea that just because they are not married doesn't mean they aren't entitled to bare children. Good for them.

But one phrase does comes to mind:

"Isn't it ironic." -Alanis Morrissette

My husband and I got married for many reasons, but one big reason was to get the "thumbs-up" from higher authorities to bare offspring. Not to sound irreverent, but I'm just saying.

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

one word

gas.

*poot*

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #4
May 11, 2010 (CD40)

It's CD40, and I'm still pregnant. This marks a very important day because the first time I was pregnant, I miscarried on CD40.

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

three words

nausea.
gas.
hunger.

*blech*

When I don't have one, I'm experiencing the other two.

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #5
May 14, 2010

Call me old-fashioned, but this whole "naming your child after celebrities" has to stop! I mean, it's madness. Examples:

1) Friend names daughter after an American Idol runner-up, but using a feminine diminutive and completely made up form of the name. (Might I add, that it's pronounced completely different than it is spelled.)
2) Niece names daughter "Suri".
3) Cousin gives daughter the middle-name "Jolie".

What happened to good names like Jane, Molly, and Gertrude? I guess it's a matter of preference, but imagine the child having to explain herself when she's an adult. "Umm... yeah, my mother named me after ______________. It's a long story."

I'm a teacher, and children's names give an accurate glimpse into their family life and the personality of the parents. It's very interesting and a good indicator. Students who have practical homely names tend to be more well-rounded, while students who have odd/flashy names tend to be more..."interesting" for lack of a better and less offensive word.

Anyway... it's stupid.

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #6
May 17, 2010 (CD46)

I'm scared that I'm on the road to another miscarriage. Here's why:

1) I have a huge cystic zit on my cheek.
2) I'm having cold chills.
3) My back is all crampy.
4) My breasts aren't nearly as tender or fuller like before.
5) Good old-fashioned intuition.

I had all of the above prior to having my first miscarriage. But, there is reason to be hopeful because...

a) I have no pinkish discharge.
b) My nausea comes in waves.
c) I have definite food aversion.
d) I'm still exhausted.
e) I took a test and it was still a dark BFP.
f) Although I'm feeling chills, my BBT is still nearly 2 degree above normal.

So, I'm just going to wait. Come on 8wks! *sigh*

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #7
May 18, 2010

Mid-morning during my science lesson, I was feeling really crampy. Like how I exactly felt before my first miscarriage. I called afterschool to make an appointment. They took me immediately. OB did an U/S and there it was-- a baby. Normal sized. Normal heartbeat. I even have a picture of it.

OB said that at this point, based on what she has seen, the chances of having a miscarriage is 4%. She suspects that this will come to full term.

*happiness*

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED

Mollywobbles
Offline
Joined: 10/25/2009

Entry #8
May 22, 2010

This whole food thing is getting annoying--so bizzare. My preference of food is a hodgepodge of all sorts of things. One day, I'll desperately want Chinese. But then the next day I can't even bare the thought of it. Foods that I once loved (i.e. pizza) no longer appeal to me/make me want to vomit. Here's a list of things that I once ate, but now can't stand the thought of eating:

1. Pizza
2. Burgers
3. Mexican
4. Indian
5. Fried Foods
6. Cheese and anything cheesy
7. ICE CREAM?!?!
8. Eggs
9. CHOCOLATE BARS/CANDY?!?!
10. Chicken dishes of all kinds (with only one exception...)
11. Cookies
12. Chips (with only one exception...)
13. Sodas, juices, etc. (with some exceptions)
14. Grilled foods
15. Microwave popcorn

Foods that I really want and most of which I don't usually eat:

1. Fruits of all kinds (especially pitted fruits like cherries and nectarines)
2. Breakfast sausage
3. Fried rice and sweet and sour pork
4. Turkey, mash potatoes, and gravy
5. Iceberg lettuce salad with ranch dressing
6. Fried chicken wings (from Sizzler Salad Bar only)
7. Lipton or Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup
8. Sour/chewy candy (like Sour Patch Kids)
9. Steak
10. Beef jerky
11. Pickles (yeah, I know...)
12. Steamed broccoli with mayo?!
13. Funyuns
14. Water
15. and.... saltine crackers and ginger ale!

It's absurd. But, all this might change tomorrow.

*sigh*

__________________

#1 "Wobbles" born 1/1/11
#2 "Wobbles" born 9/20/13
2017 TTC #3, DH with Type 2 Diabetes and ED