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gujomia
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The good thing is that people who are insane don't realize that they are insane, so the fact that you are wonderinf if you have gone insane means you must be fine Tongue I talk to my cat too. At least he doesn't tell me "Just relax with TTC, it'll happen" lol! I sometimes run out of things to say to friends/family, they ask "How are you?" and I have to resist the urge to update them on Clomid and SA results etc!!! Talking to animals might actually be keeping you sane!

I do think God waits until we give up, but the stronger you are, the longer it will take you to give up! How is that fair???

You will be on vacation so soon and a complete break from everything will help you feel more sane! Every one says that a break from this site does them good, even though it is a huge support system I think it does feed the TTC obsession. So although you will be taking a break from the site while you are in Italy, please please post if you get your BFP before you leave! Smile

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Gia
 

rabidpecan
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I talk to my dog all the time too! Smile lol And I sing her stupid little made-up songs, even when I'm taking her out to pottie. My neighbors must think I have completely lost my mind, but I don't care. I think it's a habit I picked up with DH being gone so much.

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*Katie*
TTC #1 for 29 months
BFP- August 2009
M/C September 2009
Diagnosed with PCOS December 2009
Started Clomid January 2010
BFP May 2010 -  M/C same month
BFP Christmas Day, 2010- Ephraim James born Sept. 2011
Now TTC #2
M/C in June 2012
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

butterfly99
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AW thanks ladies you make me feel good and not alone. Smile
Gia I love the rationality....I'm totally going with that. And yes of course I'll post if I get my BFP this weekend (although emotion and sore bbs kind of tell me AF is coming!).

butterfly99
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Gia, I've been thinking about this (who me? think? wha???? haha)... on some level I think giving up and surrendering to God might mean you ARE strong. Strong in your faith, and strong because you've come so far on this journey of life. Just because it takes some people to reach their breaking point longer than others might not mean anything with strength, and maybe more to do with stubbornness...
Replace the word "stronger" with the words "more controlling" in your sentence and see what it does... i.e the more controlling you are, the longer it will take you to give up! And that's God trying to tell you that you are not in control, no matter how much we try to be. Perhaps.

gujomia
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That is very true! If we can accept that the timeline is not ours to keep, and loosen our control on the situation then maybe we will never reach our breaking point. FX. Maybe God waits for us to surrender, rather than to reach our weakest point. A lot of pregnancy success stories on here are from people who didn't 'try' as hard that particular month. Maybe those people reached the point where they could accept - whatever will be will be. I don't know if i will ever get to that point myself, (where I give anything less than 110% each month) but accepting God's timeline I can do Smile FX none of us reach our breaking point!

I hope AF stays away this month, but if she comes I will be wishing you a bean in Italy Laughing out loud

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butterfly99
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I really like that rationality, and think you're onto something!
Yeah, I don't know if I have it in me either to not obsess and track and BD and and and, but maybe just keeping that bigger picture perspective will be helpful for sanity sake. Smile

The last couple days I have caught myself thinking "I'm going to get pg in Italy, I'm going to get pg in Italy"... and I really hate that I have these thoughts. On one hand, I know the power of positive thinking, but on the other, I think I'm doing the whole "what's MY will, not Gods" mentality, and setting myself up for another let down... DH and I met in Europe, so it would be fitting if we conceived in Europe... I just feel like I want to know what God is waiting for! I just really want to NOT worry about it in Italy, I want to enjoy vacation, not stress, eat good food, sit on the beach, drink good wine, and be happy God has blessed me with a wonderful life...pg or not. That is my prayer... I pray that God's will be done, and that peace be in my heart. Amen.

butterfly99
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Well, we're packed and ready to go. If you believe in prayer, please pray for us.

butterfly99
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Back to life, back to reality and to the TTC nightmare.
It's kind of amazing how quickly a wonderful vacation can feel like a dream. So I'm trying to cling to the memories and to the deep breath, perspective, and peace I found while traveling. My heart really did have some magical moments...watching the sunset over the beautiful Tuscan countryside, I cried. I really felt home there, felt peace, and trust in God. I do very much love my DH, and it's good to slow down (although the vacation itself was anything but) and remember how simple life truly can be, if you let it.

We had an amazing time on vacation...really truly amazing. I tried to put away my TTC hat for 3 weeks and just concentrate on enjoying vacation, and living in the moments. Mostly, I think I was successful. I tried to make TTC take a backseat, to not think about the fact that I consumed wine every day for 3 weeks (and one day for 12 hours straight!), drank caffeine (dang it now I have to go through withdrawal all over again), ran out of vitamins, and really just tried to live life...didn't purposely time BD around ovulation, no O testing, no preseed, just good ol fashioned sex, whenever we wanted. Awesome. If I happen to be PG now, then wonderful...and if not, well then we still had a great time together, made love in an olive grove one day, actually did it a couple days in a row just because, and so that should be cause enough to smile.

Faith really can pull you through a lot. And being in beautiful Italia isn't bad either.

butterfly99
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On a totally (sort of) non-TTC related topic... I really just wish I could be rich. I hate working. I have a great job, but it's so not inspiring me anymore, and really just wish I could spend my life volunteering, writing, traveling, or helping others. sigh. I had hoped going on vacation would give me a rebirth and perspective about this job but day 2 back and I'm already back in this rut. sigh. Now, onto the TTC part of this all...I really just want to be a stay at home mom. But we can't afford it. So maybe me not being able to get pg is God's way of telling us to MOVE! I want to be someplace that I don't feel trapped and unable to follow my dreams...but does that place actually exist? I mean the grass is not greener, right? And DH is SO invested in his company that he could not move away from it...argh.

butterfly99
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Do you believe in signs? I thought I did. I am not so sure I do anymore. I will try to keep this story as short as possible...
When DH and I were honeymooning (in the south pacific) we came across this really cool wood carving of a man and a women...they were intertwined and carved out of one piece of wood. We thought it was very symbolic of a union/marriage but it was a little pricey so we didn't buy it. Later we decided we should just buy it and we went back to the place and it was gone. We were really disappointed but told ourselves it was just a lesson to learn about being decisive. Some time later, I was shopping in TJ Maxx at home and happened on a smaller version of the same carving. I thought that was crazy weird, so I had to buy that. It now sits on our mantle.
So when we were recently on vacation, we were shopping in this store where DH wanted to buy a t-shirt that he saw in the window...and browsing through the several knickknacks they had in the store, one of them caught my eye. This time, it was a woman lifting a child into the air. One piece of wood, the woman kissing the child, their lives one, almost identical to the carving we have, but mother and child. I thought, well that is crazy. DH said I shouldn't buy it because we're not pg yet, but I bought it anyway...thought it w as a sign.
So now that sits on my mantle right next to the other one.

I guess right now part of me feels like all of what I wrote before, about perspective and faith, was just BS because in my heart I truly thought maybe we'd get pg on vacation. I tested this morning and got a BFN. So I want to take that piece of wood sitting on my mantle and throw it across the room...smash it to smithereens...what a stupid reminder of infertile mertyle. How dumb I was to think that maybe God was giving me a sign...it's just a piece of wood. It means NOTHING...NOTHING...NOTHING. And I have nothing nothing nothing growing inside me... stupid BFN...stupid not-a-sign sign. Thanks, God, why do you have to rub it in? Why can't you just give me a sign that I should just give up! Instead of helping me have false hope and expectations.

Ok, back and forth and back and forth I go with emotion. I DO trust God, and know there is a bigger picture, a plan and a purpose for everything under Heaven. My DH says he believes we are still meant to be parents. I am glad one of us does.