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vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

Comments Welcome.....

Today's our 3rd year wedding anniversary....... hurray?... i don't know... woke up this morning happy then went right to feeling sad - What have we got to show for 3 years of marriage?

On that morning 3 years ago, I was so happy, so sure that by this time, We'd have a cute as a button little boy and a little girl on the way!!!!
Am I right to feel sad? Can I do anything to "make it better"
Am not sure i'm giving DH "loads of love" cos this mood is really weighing me down...

I already have my kids names all picked out and when I pray, I speak each name - I know they'll come - all 3 of them Smile

Ok, This is me letting off steam today.........

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Vorke

vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

been having cramps for a few hours now - AF should show any minute now _ at least this will be a new cycle and i can monitor better....
DH can't seem to understand why i'm moody.... He's wanted to bd for some days now but i think i'm at the point where if it can\'t produce results,,, what's the ppoint????

Ok,I've got to snap to of this......my close friend is pg with twins - not planned for and totally unexcited about it - probably cos she's having a rough 1st trimester.... ilook at her and with envy, think to myself - i'd welcome all the stress to just SAY i'm pregnant!!!

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Vorke

vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

typos!!!misspelt words... oh just exactly how i feel!!!

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Vorke

waiting2bamommyagain
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Joined: 02/05/2011

Hi Vorke sorry you're feeling down. Elizabeth added you to our group If you want to come on over and need a listening ear (reading eyes in this case) or support Smile hang in there never give up it's all we have in our favor.

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Lisa K
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Joined: 04/13/2010

Vorke, thanks so much for the babydust! I'm sending some your way also. Smile keep your chin up. I completely understand your journey. And our Buddy is very quiet and most of them have gotten their bfp's. You're more than welcome to come and chat whenever. We welcome everyone. Smile

vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

Thanks D and lisa....

Ok.. Now I'm in a good mood Smile got preseed and tried it out on Sunday - we had fun and just couldn't get enough of each other Tongue ..... Brought home a thot - i think i've been too intense on TTC and its brought a tension to my home, affected the way we BD... for the next month, we're just going to relax and have fun ...
Oh well, DH went on a business trip later that day so i'm home alone till next saturday - he 's gone for the whole of my fertile week!! SO i hope we clinched it on Sunday Wink
its been a bit strange having the house to myself... i keep hearing strange noises at night... i miss DH ..
Heard 2 testimonies in church that gave me a new outlook on TTC..... A couple who had been married for about 10 years just gave birth to twin girls in March and her husband talked about how he felt inadequate all these years, talked about times his wife would cry at night and there just wasn't anythnig he could do to make it better.. but they didn't lose faith!! They had been to doctors all over the world - they're quite wealthy so money wasn't an issue.. in July 2010, she decided not to see anymore doctors or take any more drugs..... she got pregnant in August!!!

Same Sunday, a couple ( very good friends of mine) had their son's christening ... while giving his testimony,the husband talked of how he had heard of couples ttc for years and wondered if he would have been able to handle it if it happened to him. infact, he knew he wouldn't have been able to be a supportive husband in that regard so he was most grateful not to have had to experience that.

Lessons learnt: DH has been most supportive to me - in 3 years he hasn't said or done anything to make me feel bad about not having kids, he did refuse to take a SA but i've never stopped to consider if he feels inadequate? i'm confident that we will have kids but i know that DH is with me for the long haul!!! a comforting feeling... another lesson learnt - God will not give you more than you have the grace to handle... he knows our strengths and weaknesses. He shows his love in various ways. He didn't say there won't be trying times but He did say he'd be with us always....
So I'm happy.... Laughing out loud ...
I bought some nice maternity dresses..... FX... no harm right?

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Vorke

vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

Long time no write.....

Here I am at the end of another cycle... AF's due today - been having cramps all day... mmm... it is well...

Had a huge fight with DH yesterday and not sure i want to even ttc next cycle!!!

While i was feeling sad for myself, I read Lori's post on the "drained" thread and her blog- I've cried and cried and i'm just so weak!! She lost her baby Sad .......

Y does this happen? Y should we want so much to be mothers and not have it happen? How does one pick up and continue to try after 3 times? it's really like her DH said - giving a kid a taste of candy and taking it back!!! I'm soo sad right now... i know Life isn't fair... but does it have to be "this" unfair??????????

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Vorke

vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

Seems i'm not calculating my cycle properly.... or it's just + or - 3 days? expected AF on 23rd, didn't get it and by this morning, i was going to test when AF came calling... mmm.. I'm going to take a break for a few months so i may not write in here or be on the site but i think i need some " me" time out!!!
>>

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Vorke

vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

Ok, can't stay away any more - I need to vent!!!!
decided not to actively TTC this month and thot i'd be at peace with it but i find myself checking for CM and monitoring my ovulation - even when i know DH and I are not going to BD!!1 how sad can it get? We ( DH and I ) have been going thru some stuff - it's gotten better in the past few days i hope we work thru it .. one good news - He's agreed to do the SA - I ddin't talk about it any more and he brought it up himself a few days ago... I'm not going to push.... hopefully he'll go to the hospital before the week runs out and we'll know what we're up against...

on the other hand, my very close friend who is expecting twins found out she's having a boy and a girl!! so happy for her... she's asked me to name the kids and be God mother!! i'll have kids in my life soon.....

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Vorke

butterfly99
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Joined: 02/24/2010

Aw Vorke that is awesome you are going to get to be a God mother!!!!
And believe me you're not alone with the checking even if you're not trying. I actually peed on a stick to see if I could be pregnant this month and we didn't even HAVE SEX. lol. It becomes so ingrained...
But great news about the SA. small steps right?! Smile

vorke
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Joined: 03/25/2011

Thanks Lori...
I'm a bit sad today.. finally went ot get the test reuslts yesterday - hormones are ok... but the HSG shows a blockage in the right fallopian tube...... Doctor says i should keep bd'g for the next 3 months and see how it goes....

DH still hasn't had the SA done - guess he's a bit freaked on it... i hope to talk to him about it today and go together tomorrow to have it done.. FX his swimmers will be good!

I only need 1 tube right?

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Vorke