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Elizabeth
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sweetmel6
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Joined: 12/13/2010

Hi there, So I am going to introduce myself. My name is Melanie, I am ttc for our #1. Me and my DH have been married almost 4 years, together almost 11 years. And up until this January he was still iffy on having kids. So he finally decided he wanted them .

We decided to start back in May. Got off BC, and decided to start really trying right after my 30th bday in June. Low and behold the day after my bday I ended up in hospital with severe Pneumonia. They couldnt figure out what was wrong with me, I was in hospital 3 days and then on bedrest for 2 weeks. They were monitoring everything my heart rate everything. Well after the two week bedrest I started having all sorts of problems. Turns out I have Valley Fever. Which they told me it would be a six month recovery.

So I was broken hearted beyond belief as you can imagine. Kept off of BC though. Was told to not activaly try, but that if it happened it would be okay they would lower my dosages of Antifungal medicine. So we didn't actively ttc, but we didnt try not to either. And I really thought that we would be pregnant before I was done with the illness. I went all into getting better as soon as possible. Took vitamins that are suppose to help you heal faster. Did everything and beyond to get better. It worked, I got cleared and off meds in 3 months instead of 6. But we just werent having any luck getting Preggers. So in October we started to really try. I didnt chart or do anything. We just naturally BD. It didn't happen. So November was the same except I OPKed and got a positive sign so we did everything we had to do.

I really thought I was pregnant during the 2ww because I had really clear signs. So when my AF was 4 days late this month I really thought we had. I was kind of excited because it was my husbands bday and I thought what a wonderful gift to give him. I am never ever late, so we thought for sure. Well low and behold AF came and it sucks. I was so sad. Because I had convinced myself that I was preggers but I wasnt going to test until I was a least a week late.

So now we are starting to try again this month and decided we would use Preseed this month and see what happens.

I really needed people to talk to who are going through the same thing. Its hear breaking and my friends dont understand because they arent in this part off life yet. Most are not married yet and are worried about that. I cant talk to my best friend, because she is pregnant and I dont want her to think i am not happy for her, because i am so very happy for her.

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hpwright
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Joined: 12/15/2010

It is very hard trying to explain the frustration, disappointment, and pain of getting negative pregnancy tests repeatedly to people who haven't experienced it.

My cycle was extra long this time too and I got way too attached to the idea of being pregnant which is never a good idea and so I was really upset this time. My strategy is to not repeat that as much as I am able...to stay positive and to keep my mind off of it. Otherwise, it drives you crazy.

I should start at the beginning. My name is Holley. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about a year and five months. He is working with a vasectomy reversal and we are going to the urologist to get his analysis next week, so I really hope it is good.

I am working with hormonal imbalance and estrogen dominance and have been using bioidentical progesterone for the last year and half, trying to get back to normal so that I can ovulate and conceive. However, when I first started using the progesterone cream I was not using it correctly and had some bad advice so in effect I was using it as birth control for almost a year. That took me even further off balance AND kept me from getting pregnant, which was really frustrating to discover. In a way, I feel like I have to scratch that year off and say we have been trying since this August when I finally found someone I could trust to help me get my fertility back on track. This cycle was by far the most "normal" and the longest I have had thus far, so that was very encouraging and the bright side of this cycle.

By and large, I have kept very busy and since we have a little girl who is five, I don't have a whole lot of time to dwell on this. BUT, for whatever reason, it really hit me this month.

I do believe that things happen when they are meant to, which is not always the same timing as when we want them to. My nutritionist says that the baby comes according to his or her schedule, not ours.

We have stayed within the natural means of conception and I still plan to do so. Besides progesterone cream, I take a really good prenatal vitamin and Chaste Tree. I was charting my temp but that was causing me a huge amount of anxiety so I have stopped. However, I am planning to use the ovulation strips this month so that I can see if I am ovulating and when exactly (both to time sex and that is exactly the time when I should start the progesterone cream, which also helps me because my luteal phase is a bit short.) I also just got Pre Seed in the mail today which we will be using for the first time as well this cycle. SO, I'll be in that boat with ya Smile I hope it helps us both!

sweetmel6
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Joined: 12/13/2010

Hi Holley,

I completely understand, about this month. I took it really hard as well. Also I couldnt do the charting either it caused me anxiety. I am so happy to have someone to talk to that knows how I feel. After this past cycle I decided I really needed to talk to someone who is going throught the same thing.

I know that it will happen when it happens, but its still sad when you want it so bad.

I think my big thing is that I see people around us just go ops I am pregnant, and then on here you see people who really want it and it takes forever. It just doesnt seem fair.

I hope Preseed does work for the both of us.

Big smile

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hpwright
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Hi Melanie,

Well, we must be on the same wavelength then (maybe that's how we ended up in the same group Wink ) because after this cycle I felt the strong need to talk to someone who has had to try and wait and try some more to get pregnant. In fact, I think I'm just a day behind you in my cycle. Eventually, you need to check in with someone who is going through something similar to make sure you're not crazy and to not lose hope.

But seriously. Don't lose hope. It will happen for you. It used to be that they didn't slap the label of infertility on ya until you had been trying for two years. Now it's one and I do think that messes with your mind because you think it should happen just like that. This is also hard when everyone around you gets pregnant quickly or on accident. My daughter was a surprise. However, I think there is still something valuable to learn in having to wait and dig deep and be patient.

I am going to not let myself get so immersed in all the little sensations that accompany the end of the cycle because some symptoms like sore breasts and headaches can be either a baby or your period. Any time I have had depression about this it has always been after I have let myself believe that I am pregnant. I also think that anxiety is a natural birth control so I am going to do everything I can mentally to not get invested in the idea that I am pregnant. In fact, my meditation practice has fallen off as of late and I HAVE to get back into it. I think it will help me so much to trust in the flow of life, to keep my mind from going places I don't want it to, and to keeping me in a happier place that will keep me fertile. Smile

It can take a little time for your hormones to even out after coming off the pill. I think that's totally normal. Frustrating, but normal. How does your husband feel about it taking a little longer than you'd guys would like?

hpwright
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Joined: 12/15/2010

By the way, we too decided to try for a second child in May, but it was May of 2009, just as another parallel. Then right away we found out his insurance, by some miracle, covered his vasectomy reversal and he had the surgery in June. Then he had to heal, so we started trying in July 2009. Then unknowingly I was on birth control for all intents and purposes from May 2009 to May 2010. Then in July of this year I finally got under the care of someone who knows what she is doing and I am now about five months into it and really getting my hormones more balanced. And here we are. It took me a little time to convince my husband on a second one too. I'm 31, he just turned 34.

sweetmel6
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Joined: 12/13/2010

We have a lot in common. My Husband just turned 33. And He is so easy going on getting pregnant, keeps saying it will happen when it happens. He seems so laid back that I had a long talk with him the other night. I thought he was being no nonchalant about it, I questioned if he really wanted to do this. He let me know he was in this 150% and he wants it too. He says that Society has messed with womens heads so much, that we think we are failures when we cant get pregnant right away. And that if we think about it all the time we drive ourselves crazy.

But he was convinced that this last month we were because I was so moody, never been that moody in my life. He kept pissing my off and I couldnt figure out why he made me so mad, then the next second I was crying. I am a pretty even person, so he was convinced lol.

I think I have worn him out with all the BDing, but I have always had a pretty big Appetiate for BDing. Although I think sometimes he just has moments where he freaks out about actually trying to create a life, and just isnt in the mood.

He was joking with friends saying I wont stop jumping him lol. One of his friends told him to shut it cause his wife has only BDed with him twice in the last year. It was really funny.

Heres the part that stresses me out, my family and his family constantly asking me if we are pregnant. When i was sick we told them that we werent trying on doctors orders. That was when the question became Has the Doctor told you you can try again? Once we got an okay, I sat my mom down and told her not to ask anymore. She agreed to stop, but she still says things like for Xmas I want to know you are pregnant.
Then there is his family, they watch me like a hawk. If I dont feel like drinking a glass of wine I must be pregnant.
Its crazy, I try not to let it bother me.

The group of friends we hang out with now know we are ttc because I threw him a party for bday and didnt drink.
I gave up all drinking in May when we were starting. I do have a glass of red wine every now and then. So everyone saw me not drinking and they asked if I was. We told them no but trying.

So I feel like all eyes are on me now.

I decide this month we are taking it slow and easy. I also hike alot and it really destresses me. So I will take nice easy hikes this month. If it happens this month it does. Like you I wont read into all the symptoms. Cool

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hpwright
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My husband is really laid back about it too and is really calm and reassuring. On the one hand, I really like that because he's like a rock, but on the other hand when I'm really emotional I felt like maybe he just didn't care or didn't want to conceive as fervently as I did. It's not true and once I'm no longer upset I can see that. But, it really messes with your head when you are so convinced you're pregnant and then it doesn't happen. It's devastating and not the easiest thing to handle, so I just am not going there. I usually don't, but I kind of slipped up this time.

I know what you mean about people asking. My mother-in-law is awesome and it took her four years to conceive my husband because she had severe endometriosis, so she's very sympathetic. She feels like it will happen for us. I like hearing that. I need to hear that because it helps me to get out of the dark place and back into hope, which is more of my natural state. My mom, however, is beginning to ask with a hint of "why is this taking so long?" And I don't want to let anyone down, as weird as that sounds, so when they ask and I say no...it's just a little awkward. I try to tell them something like "not yet" but with a smile. My closest friends know what's going on and they are great. I can tell them whatever I'm feeling, but none of them have struggled with having to try so long to get pregnant, or have ever been pregnant.

Maybe we can help each other stay focused and not get obsessively attached to the idea of being pregnant because it's SO hard when that's not the case. Instead, I'm choosing to focus on the positives...we got the pre seed, which is new, I have ovulation sticks to help me pinpoint when I start progesterone and when we need to be on top of things so to speak, and my cycle looked really promising this last time.

Good things will happen Smile

hpwright
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Joined: 12/15/2010

Also, I ordered this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Infertility-Cure-Ancient-Wellness-Pregnant/dp/0316...

Someone recommended it and what appealed to me is that is based on the premise that you are not broken or defective if you are not getting pregnant right away. It says that you can heal your body and your fertility and that your body wants to be healthy and in a natural state of balance so here are some things you can do to help it get there. Basically, it says not to panic. I like that.

sweetmel6
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Joined: 12/13/2010

Smile I think we can really help each other out with keeping positive, and staying focused.

I woke up this morning and me and DH took a walk with our two dogs. While on the walk I just had this amazing feeling of happiness come over me. It was a feeling of it is so amazing to be alive. So I am going with that feeling.

I think this might be the month for us, and for you and you DH. I am sending that thought out into the universe. I believe in positive thinking. I read the book the secret about two years ago, and I keep that train of thought going. Its what got me out of a career I hated and stressed me out. I was an Insurance underwriter for 6 1/2 years and hated every minute of it, no matter how much money I made. After a lot of talking I convinced my DH to let me go part time and start my career as a realtor. Now I am full time realtor, loving every second. Its a great job for when we do have kids. So I am ready and waiting.

Thank you for the recommendation on the book.

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hpwright
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I'm on board with the positive thinking. I am a yoga instructor and firm believer in the mind/body connection. And yes, good thoughts into the universe. Big smile