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mandy
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AF showed up today...at least this month it was right on time at 28 days! Not overly surprised as I don't think we BD'd enough. And now I'm kicking myself for not giving it all we got. Oh well, on to the next cycle!

On a more positive note, I have lost 10 lbs since labour day...I figured I might as well take advantage of not being pregnant to work on getting some of the left over baby weight off.

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mandy
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Well, today was supposed to be my due date from the 1st miscarriage. You know how they say time heals all wounds, I find it's been the opposite with all of this. Every month that goes by seems to get harder and harder. At first I had hope I would get pregnant again right away but every month it doesn't happen seems to make me even sadder about the miscarriages and I seem to think about it even more. Sorry for the rant, just feeling a little emotional today.

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estone
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Joined: 10/18/2011

hugs and prayers for you...hoping you are able to heal and get preggo again

mandy
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Another month goes by, still not pregnant. AF showed up today a day early (thankful for that). I just feel like this is taking so much longer than I thought it would and I think I would be ok with that but deep down I have this lingering fear that when I get pregnant again its going to end in another miscarriage and then take 6 more months to get a BFP again, etc. etc. Is this going to end up taking 2 more years? Sometimes I really think I should focus my energy on spending time with my daughter and just forget about trying for any more. That's what my head is telling me...too bad my heart doesn't agree.

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Kitterp
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Joined: 09/23/2011

Sorry Mandy hang in there. Your THB is right around the corner! I know it!

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butterfly99
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Mandy, I just want you to know I understand how you feel. I know the saying is time heals all wounds, but I think some wounds are too deep to heal per se, and that they will always be a part of us. Time only helps you keep going. I remember after my first miscarriage I felt like I would only have "closure" when I got pregnant again. But I realized I couldn't live life like that because it can't be conditional. Somehow you just have to accept where you are. Worry/fear is such a common theme among us, but it does us no good to worry and what if, because ultimately we are not in control. If you did have another miscarriage, you would get through it. It may very well take 2 years, hopefully not obviously!!! If your heart is telling you to keep trying then keep trying. But I think there is a power within each of us to find a way to focus but not let it control us. I hope you are able to find that place. It doesn't mean we won't hurt, get angry, discouraged, disappointed, etc, but it means we have to keep living. Big hugs to you!!

mandy
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Thanks Kitterp and butterfly for the encouragement. It does mean a lot to me Smile

So I usually get a + OPK on CD 16 or 17. Last night (CD14) I came home and decided to use the computer and found that DH had been googling "how to get pregnant faster" and doing some research. It's funny because he doesn't really talk to me about it very much but I think he really wants a 2nd baby and I think the last miscarriage was a lot rougher on him than I realized. Anyways, we had a really good heart to heart and although I wasn't going to start OPKing til today and decided to take one last night and sure enough...it was positive. So we BD'd and I know it might sound a little silly but I feel like the stars all aligned for us last night. Obviously I could be very wrong and AF might still show up on time but I am hopeful about this month.

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estone
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Joined: 10/18/2011

FX

davina
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Joined: 12/29/2011

fx for you

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kiwi kids
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How are you going Mandy?