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Lindsay
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Hi Kiwi!

Haha thanks for the compliments on my blog. I'm glad you're being entertained. I'm definitely a little quirky.

One of my girlfriends from school moved down to New Zealand a year ago with her boyfriend (who is originally from there). Her facebook status updates say that the weather there is improving. Improving?! I swear people forget what the winters here are like as soon as they move away! We just got TONS of snow over the last couple days. Its beautiful, and I love it. But I also love wearing shorts and flip flops lol.

Yeah my hubby is a cutie. I love him to bits, even when he's driving me absolutely insane... heh Smile He frustrates me though, he literally has no worries. I'm constantly worried about money and how we will afford a baby and how we will still have extra to save (though we really make more than enough money together), but what about when I'm not working? Sure, I get mat leave, but I dont want to go back to work full time after the baby is a year old. That's just too soon for my liking. I ask him all these questions and he is so calm and sure that everything will be fine. Its infuriating! He could at least show concern! But no, he's just happy as a clam and I swear there's some ridiculous bubbly song playing in the background of his life constantly. I'm his only source of stress lol.

But I have faith in him, and in us. I know everything will be alright. I'm my own worst enemy. I need to chill.

It's saturday, commencing chill now. Big smile

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kiwi kids
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I love snow (haha only because we don't get it where I live!) We lived in Scotland for a while and on snowy days I was always so excited, I was always the only one at work who was happy to have walked to work because then I could walk home in the snow. It very rarely settled for more than a couple of days though.

Your friend might live down south, they have had rubbish weather down there lately, loads of rain. Not here though, we have been roasting. This week it has been 33 for a couple of days, which is pretty damned hot for us!

You and hubby sound like a good match. One of both means you get an even balance. My hubby and I are kind of similar. I am stressed out about money (hmm not enough to volunteer to go back to work though!) and he is always like "mah, it will be fine" sheesh!

Lindsay
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Isn't that frustrating?! LOL I just don't understand men...

I'm sooo jealous that you lived in Scotland! My dad's side of the family is from Scotland, I'd love to go there and track down my heritage! My mom's side is Irish, so maybe I should take a big trip and hit up both! Maybe one day...

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Lindsay
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So I'm frustrated again Sad

I ordered my stuff from early pregnancy tests on the 4th, and it STILL isnt here! I ordered from there because of all the rave reviews about their super fast delivery and awesome tests... and here I am, 11 days later with NOTHING. I'm supposed to ovulate this weekend and I dont have any preseed to use and I dont have any ovulation sticks to be sure I don't miss out! GAH! I'm reading into everything these days, but that really sounds to me like a big flashing sign saying "stop trying to have a baby".

On top of that, my girlfriend who is 22 weeks is a very miserable pregnant person. She HATES being pregnant, absolutely hates it. Every time we talk, it's always about how her body isn't her's anymore, how she feels like a tank, how her body will suffer for this pregnancy and how it will never ever be the same again. She's into fitness, as I am, and she's so upset because she's having a hard time teaching her fitness classes because she gets so hot and shes worried about her heart rate and she feels heavy and can't jump around as much. She worries about the physical aspects of pregnancy, whereas that doesn't concern me as much. It used to though. I grew up hearing my mom talk about how thin and beautiful she was before she had me, and how having me made her fat. I grew up believing that babies made you fat. Being into fitness and knowing what I know now, I know that it was her lifestyle combined with a series of health problems that led to her weight gain, not her pregnancy with me. I have also learned that being a mom doesn't mean letting yourself go. I am fairly confident that I can be fit again after having children, if it's what I really want. I tell my friend that, and she's very aware of this, but for some reason she's convinced that her body will be forever ruined. She says her boobs will sag and her nipples will be ugly and her lady bits will darken and stretch and look like "meat curtains" and she will have to find a way of acceptng these things because she will have a beautiful baby to show for it. It absolutely boggles my mind that she is so vain about it all. Don't get me wrong, I don't want my youthful body to diminish anymore than the next person, but I know that with or without kids, my body is going to change, I'm going to grow old, and I will never look as good as I did at 19. Simple facts. So she constantly complains and worries about these things. I worry about the mental, emotional, and financial aspects of having children, whereas she doesn't at all. She's 8 years older than me, and her and her husband are VERY well off, she's had the time and life experience to prepare mentally, emotionally, and financially for a baby. She says she loves being my friend because we are opposites that way, we compliment each other. I'm glad I compliment her, and I love being her friend... but her negativity, I fear, is rubbing off on me. I don't mean her vanity, I mean her general misery. I'm beginning to feel a little less interested in having children at all, like my heart just isn't in it like it was. I feel like it waxes and wanes a little with my hormone levels, which I think is pretty normal, but this id different. This time last month I was dying to have a baby, and now I'm kinda "meh", if not a little leery about it. Again, I'm sure lots of women experience these emotions when thinking of having their first child, but I still feel very alone. I try to talk to my husband about it, but he's so dismissive about my concerns. He's so sure that everything is fine that he doesn't even see me suffering, he doesn't acknowledge my worries because "they don't make sense". I keep telling him that they don't need to make sense to him, he just needs to acknowledge them, and he says that's stupid. Half the stuff he thinks about doesn't make sense to me, but I still care about it, because it matters to him. Why are men like this? He's so so so excited to have a baby, but he doesn't realize how aside from me being the vessel for this child, it affects me. He told me yesterday that he "has a really good feeling about this month!". But here's the best part, he's not even gOing to be home this weekend, when I'm supposed to ovulate! He's going away all weekend! He doesn't quite understand how small the window is to actually get pregnant, he figuRes as long as we do it often, it'll happen (which is basically true), but if he's gone on O day, it seriously lowers our chances. AND I DON'T HAVE MY FRIGGIN PRESEED! There is a slew of profanities running through my head right now... Oh I'm so so so so so frustrated with EVERYTHING. My new years resolution was to swear less. I've realized recently that I swear A LOT, and it's not classy, so I want to stop... it's harder than it sounds, I don't even know I'm doing it sometimes...

Anyways, thats it for right now... I'm at work and should really be trying to actually work.

Laters babymakers xo

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kiwi kids
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I loved scotland! My hubby's mum lived just over the boarder in Newcastle, so we started there and transferred to Edinburgh for work. Loved it sooooo much. Ireland is great as well! I kinda miss having that lifestyle sometimes. No chance these days of jumping on a plane and going some other country for the weekend (haha our only choices within 6 hours is aussie or the pacific islands) Now it would be A too expensive and B I can't imagine trying to entertain Lucy on a plane for that amount of time! We got married in Fiji and want to go back for our 10th anniversary which is in 2 years so the kiddies will be older by then.

I didn't really like being pregnant, but nothing to do with the body, more because I was so horribly ill all the time and my body is just not built for making babies! My SIL was the perfect pregnant person, never threw up once, still worked out etc. I was the opposite! I would never bitch about it constantly though. I get that my body is different now, stretch marks and c-section scars but to me it just shows that I have grown little people! I will get back to being athletic one day but at the moment my priority is keeping my babies happy (I am dying to get out walking with them but it is just too hot when it gets above 30C)

Do you think you change your mind sometimes as a self protection thing? Like if you convince yourself that you don't really want it, if it doesn't happen that month then you won't be so gutted?

I hope your package turns up! I am so impatient with mail!

davina
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Joined: 12/29/2011

Your friend is going to have a rough time if she doesnt get past her own vanity. It sounds like she is basing her own self worth on the wrong things. if her negativity is starting to affect you, maybe it is time to talk to her less. i understand you want to be there for her etc, but you need to think about yourself at some point in time.

yes your body changes, no you will nvr look like you havent had kids after you have one. Not everyone gets stretchmarks or scary beef curtains. lol. I know a few women(lucky bitches) who can wear bikinis and still look fabulous and they have perky non pancake boobs. i know others who could use tummy tucks or breast lifts( i fall into the tummy tuck needing category and i could use a breast lift, but that wont happen unless we win the lottery). It is what it is. Yes i am self conscious, but i learned after my first child that i am more than the sum of my body parts.

i am also a worrier while my husband seems to have some kind of bs laissez faire attitude about everything. he doesnt worry about a thing and if he does he doesnt tell me about it. whereas i need a plan a, b and c! it sucks. i wish i could be so seemingly worry free. i think it is a guy thing. you try and talk to them about stuff that freaks you out and they seem to brush it off. no everything isnt going to be ok for no reason damnit. tell me why it will be ok, tell me how we will handle x, y or z when it comes up. ffs. my dh seems to nvr handle a problem until it blows up in his face. what happened to prevention and planning? drives me nuts.

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Lindsay
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Soooo... I wrote an entire blog entry last night, and I wasn't signed in, so it didn't save. Awesome.

I'm pretty frustrated. My order STILL hasn't arrived. I ordered it on the 4th, it's now the 17th! I emailed earlypregnanytests.com yesterday to see if they had any info, and they told me that all of their Canadian orders are being held at customs longer than usual lately, and that they are sorry for any inconvenience. Inconvenience? I get that this doesnt affect anyone but my husband and I, but I'm so desperately upset about not receiving it and being so close to ovulation and with DH going away this weekend... I guess I just want them to know how much this means to us, and care. I also REALLY want to get pregnant this month because my due date would be October 13th. I am absolutely obsessed with the fall. I love the colors and the leaves and the smells and I love everything pumpkin, I want a pumpkin baby! I've decided that if this month isn't the one, I will skip next month. If I get pregnant next month, my due date would be November 10th. It's a personal thing, but every single human being I've ever known who was born on November 10th has been a terrible person. I'm sure not ALL people with this birthday suck, but the ones I've kn own have, and therefore I don't want my precious babe share a birthday with a bunch of dinks. At the same time, the idea of skipping a month just kills me a little inside... ugh. So, I'm praying that I ovulate either early or late this month, and NOT on Saturday like I think I will. Ed says that we can BD on Friday morning (as he's leaving Friday after work) and also Sunday when he gets home. I really really really really hope that does the trick.

Oh, I have a possibly stupid question.... Don't laugh.

I keep reading that only EWCM is fertile mucus, and that all other CM is a hostile environment for sperm and will basically kill them. So, for tge last couple days my CM has been clear and slippery, which means O is coming quick, but there hasnt been any EWCM. Is this CM I'm having bad for sperm, or is it semi-fertile? DH and I BD'd last night and I'm just wondering if it was pointless as I dont have any EWCM yet. I keep reading different things and none of it really answers my question. So, I need your expertise, ladies! I THINK that this CM is semi-fertile, or at the very least, not hostile, but I could be wrong.

This reminded me to tell you guys about last night's BD experience. I know, you probably don't want to know, but I wouldn't tell you guys if it weren't at least entertaining. So, I skipped the gym last night because I'm coming down with a major sinus thing (more on that later), and it really hurts to move my head around because of all the pressure. So I went home and had a nap (which was also painful... effing sinuses are destroyers of worlds). DH comes home and says he gonna hop in the shower. So I lay there thinking that we should probably do some baby makin here soon before the weekend. Now, I don't know about your significant others, but mine is usually in the shower for a grand total of 10 minutes. Just enough time to wash himself, his hair, and do whatever other manly stuff they do in the shower when we're not in there with them. But last night he was cold, so he was in there forever. The whole time I'm laying there wondering what the heck we're gonna do without being able to use regular lube or saliva, since I recently read that its also super bad for sperm (how are these little f*ckers so fragile?!). So I'm laying there pondering all of this when all of a sudden it hits me. I should be getting myself all in the mood while he's in the shower! genius! That should work! So I whip out my little toy and I barely have enough time to turn it on before I hear the shower turn off. Ugh. Idiot! Why am I so slow? Honestly, I hope our children are spared my daftness. So DH comes back into the bedroom to hear me buzzin away, and he gets the hint. Unfortunately, after all is said and done, it really doesn't have the effect I was so hoping for. So I have a teeny weeny meltdown about how we cant use lube and can't use saliva and I'm as dry as the sahara desert (I dont know why, it started years ago, I've tried everything, fml) and my order hasn't come and those people are the devil and obviously dont care if we get pregnant or not! All of this while he is patiently looking down at me waiting until I'm done freaking out. I do finish freaking out and proceed to cross my arms over my chest and pout like a 5 year old. Sexy. So ultimately I figure there are millions of people who have become pregnant with saliva in the mix, and decide that tadpoles are much more likely to be able to swim through something biological than silicone lube. So, off we went. I soooo want to get pregnant... COME ON ALREADY! Ed's a pretty funny guy, and he always does this ridiculous asian accent and so he's teasing me last night saying how impatient I am, he's like "You're soooo impatient, you're like 'I want baby! Give me baby now!'" You have to read that in a bad asian accent to get the full effect...

ANYWAYS

I'm also coming down with a nasty sinus thing, as I mentioned. It started out as an ache in my left jaw yesterday, which I actually thought might be the cavity in a tooth there that I've been ignoring finally absessing on me. But then it spread to my entire left side and by the end of the day I knew it was my sinuses. I could feel the pressure and when I tilted my head, well holy sh*t, awful. So I don't know, I'm trying not to think about it so it'll just go away, but does anyone know if it's safe to take decongestants when TTC? I imagine they probably don't help the process, but are they totally detrimental? There is a BAD flu going around here and Im sooo scared of catching it. It's knocking people down for weeks at a time. I don't need that right now!

Sooooooo thats whats up. Today is Thursday, I'm not expecting my order to magically show up in the mail today, but it doesn't keep my from holding my breath everytime I open my mailbox. Ugh. Come onnnnnn customs!

Laters babymakers

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AlishaTrying
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Sorry you are waiting so long! I had the same problem. I'm in edmonton and it took my pre-seed and ept's FOREVER to arrive! 2 years ago when I bought the stuff it came so fast! I was not pleased!

I would not worry about using saliva, it's probably the best thing after pre-seed! I don't know anyone else that uses preseed and all my friends seem to be able to get pregnant! lol!

as for EWCM I'm really not sure, I can never tell what my cm is doing and I have wacky cycles so I just BD'd for 14 days straight yikes! I would recommend using the fertility calendar on babymed.com if you haven't it's neat because it tells you which days you are a 'little fertile' 'a lot fertile' and when to BD and when to test, it's pretty handy to see it laid out in a calendar form!

Good luck Lindsay!!

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Lindsay
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Thanks Alisha!

Guess what? I've heard people use egg whites as lube! Haha... I would have NEVER thought of that, but apparently it works just like preseed! And I've heard there are ZERO adverse side effect (like yeast infections or whatnot). Might have to give it a try LOL

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daniematt
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Hi Lindsay,
We posted in the introductions area around the same time so I was interested in your blog. It sounds like we are close on our cycle too, I am on day 13 and got my positive opk today so I thought we could be cycle buddies since we maybe going through the 2ww around the same time Smile good luck to you on your way to that bfp!!
Danielle