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christyttc
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Joined: 01/19/2011

i have the same problem with my DH! 8cycles ttc.
the biggest issue in our marriage is that he has such a low sex drive. he says it just isn't important to him. i, on the other hand, have the sex drive of a seventeen year old boy... that makes for a lot of me being angry and frustrated and a lot of him feeling pressured and annoyed... but he wants a baby just as much as i do. he just doesn't want to have to BD much.
we are very deeply in love and he is very affectionate, though.
i got him to cooperate two times in our fertile window this month (my first time calculating it because if i didn't know for sure when it was important we would most likely not be having sex). we had huge blowout fights over me pressuring him to BD, but in the end he was pretty happy when i told him it would up our chances of pregnancy and he could be off the hook until next month.
any suggestions how to make it more fun for him to get involved? (mind you i already make it known that any fantasy or inkling of a whim he has i'm more than willing to do) help???? i don't think many more months of this pressure on our sexual relationship will be very healthy...

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Swappy kris
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Joined: 01/19/2011

My DH also doesn't like the pressure of BD when required.. He thinks its a chore and sometimes that backfires and he has difficulty ( U know in what) ..
So I read online that letting him fantasize was doing the trick.. but even that was not always helping. I think it s a problem with most of the men.. when their brain doesn't get excited sexually its hard for them to do it.
My DH was happy that my fertile days were over and he didnt have to do any more BD. Our first attempt in our fertile day was a flop and we had to postpone BD to next morning. I was scared if that will affect my chances of getting PG..

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christyttc
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Joined: 01/19/2011

it did help one time to not mention babies at all and just jump his bones. haha. it still took some serious persuading, but he did get excited about it. he CAN always do it, regardless of if he's really interested or not, he will just not let anything happen of it.
he did BD uncoerced yesterday though. (even if it didn't count for babies because its 2ww time) i think that helped his confidence and mine.

it's hard for sex to have so much pressure on it.
like everytime it's the thing that decides whether you get to be parents or not... sometimes that makes it hard for even ME, the queen of raging hormones, to get into it.

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rabbitbaby
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Joined: 01/17/2011

Ahhh, Christyttc! I'm in the exact same boat as you...

He just isn't as into as me. I can do it every day, twice a day. Him, twice a week ifff he's abnormally into it. He also has low sperm count, so I know it's important not to do it too much with him anyway. I deny him sex for a few days before expected o day, this week I am holding out for a week, so I'm hoping he'll be horny by the time it's time Smile And by denying, I mean, not initiating! Because I'm usually the one to initiate.

I love the advice about food to heart, that will actually probably really work for my guy ; )

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christyttc
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Joined: 01/19/2011

rabbitbaby, i knew i wasn't alone! haha. i don't think DH has low SC though. who knows.

good luck!

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cara
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Joined: 11/11/2009

I had some of the same issues. My DH would get mad because all of a sudden I was sooooo interested in having sex with him and he was feeling a little used. I tried to make it a point to get really into sex at other times during the month. Or to do "other things" just for fun.

babygeek
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Joined: 08/29/2012

My DH was the same, 'I don't just want to have sex for 4-5 days a week then nothing for the rest of the month'. So we made a deal. We are sort of TTCing, not charting everything but not preventing anything either. I told him this month that we would just go with every second day from the end of Af to the beginning of AF. I am hoping to God that BDing every 48 hours will conincide with my ovulation this month (I want to be pregnant like last month and he wants to conceive in November) but only time will tell (only on CD15). I'm thinking if I get a BFP OPK I may jump him the following day if it is an 'off' day - just to be sure.

But this way he doesn't feel like I'm using him and he is satisfied enough to leave me alone while I sleep Wink