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flutterby214
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My husband is funny....he and I have decided we want to have a baby of our own (he has an 8 year old son from a previous relationship). However, he said he doesn't want me to get all "Monica and Chandler" on him (from Friends when they're trying to get pregnant-she gets crazy and tells him when it's baby making time). He says that will take all the fun out of it and make it more of a chore.

How do I get him more involved, i.e., let him know when it's "baby making time" without actually saying that? Yes, I know, sexy lingerie....but sometimes he doesn't feel very good (he has Lymes Disease) or I go to bed earlier than him, and it seems like it's never going to happen unless I fill him in on what's the right time. Does anyone else have issues like this?

rabidpecan
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I totally understand what he's saying about not going all "Monica" on him, but sometimes the only way to let him know is to say it. Do you think it would help if you could tell him what day you think you might be Oing on and just tell him you're going to need to BD a few times in the days around that? That way it makes it at least mildly spontaneous because there's no pressure to BD on a specific date, but you're still telling him it's "go" time. Or maybe you could come up with a signal of sorts, like he knows it's O time if you light candles in the bedroom.

I'm lucky that I have a DH who is in on every little detail with me and often jokes that his next career will be as a Gyno because he already knows everything. It's probably not very romantic, but we still manage to have a fairly spontaneous and fun sex life. I totally don't know how much pressure your DH would feel is too much, but maybe you could just sit down and discuss it with him. Find out if it only bothers him when you say "we have to have sex NOW" and you can get away with saying "it would be good to BD in the next couple of days".

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sweetmel6
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I can totally relate, My husband doesnt want me to go all monica on him either. So what I found out that last month is that I need to try several times a day. If he doesnt want it in the morning we can try for the afternoon, or evening. And I have been trying to make it a little bit adventurous. I will jump him ( lol) while he is watching football. I also have been making some of his favorite foods, around the O time because it seems to get him all happy and relaxed. Then I can get on with the romancing. Also I have been a baking maniac, stress relief for me, hes just so happy right now.

I guess the old saying that the way to a guys heart is through his stomach works. Wink

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jderr
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Ooh, Sweetmel, I like your ideas!

My DH was the same, not wanting to be told when it was time. I charted my ovulation the first month so for the second month, I gave him a heads up as to when we needed to do it so he could mark his calendar. We made it like a date night thing so I didn't have to say anything at the time and sound all bossy and scheduled.

I was ovulating late so I took FertileAid the last month. I had talked to him about my concerns about O'ing late so when I got the positive OPK early in the third month, he was excited that I was excited and didn't mind being told when it was time to do it. And that's the month it worked!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

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sweetmel6
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I think the big thing is not mentioning it all the time to the DH, also dont go around saying we have to BD. I think the more you mention it the more they feel like its a job.

jderr, I love to cook so the method works for me. LOL he just feels like he gets spoiled. So its a win win. Wink
Learned long ago that if I want something its easier to get him to consider it if hes stuffed full of food. LOl

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flutterby214
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Thanks everyone! I'm glad I'm not alone on this...seems like everybody's posts I've been reading, the husband is totally in on everything, wanting to be told when it's go time, O time, BD time, etc. etc. I told my husband basically we'll try it his way for about three months...we're now on month 2. I O'd about 3 days ago and we've only had sex 1 time since my last period (it was about 2 days before I O'd-so crossing my fingers that that one time did the trick). Between traveling a lot, illness, and Christmas stress, we haven't had much alone time....so hopefully next month will be a good "GO TIME" month!

I'm not much of a baker/home maker and my husband has to avoid sugar, but I'm sure if I started making dinner more he would be putty in my hands =) Thanks again!

iviolinist
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Flutterby, my DH is a sex fiend (but don't tell him I said that!) so he LOVED going every other day. He was always disappointed that I lost interest/needed a break after I O'ed. Like Jessica, I charted my cycle so he was familiar with my cycle and knew when I'd be most likely to ovulate. When I did OPK's, he liked looking at them, too, and seeing if it was time yet or not.

I wouldn't stress too much about only going once so far this month. It only takes one time. Wink I think it's key to get the boys in there before you ovulate so they're ready and waiting when the egg is released. So you should be OK. I O'ed so late last month, that we were running into Thanksgiving travels and I basically had to give up control and just let things take their course. And they led us to a BFP so you never know! Good luck!

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flutterby214
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Thanks everyone! We're only on month two of trying, so I'm not to stressed about it yet. The only thing that worries me is that he gave me a year time limit to make it happen. He said if it didn't happen in that time, we were done trying because he will be 40 soon....I know, I know, not old for a man to have a baby! But try telling him that! =)

Anyway, thanks! Love this site!

iviolinist
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But no pressure, right? Tongue

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flutterby214
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Seriously! He doesn't want me to let him know when it's time, but yet has a time limit on it.....hmmmm.....one more month probably of doing it his way....then it's the wifey way!!! Big smile Wink

jderr
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I think guys have the picture in their head of you waiting by the door when they get home tapping your watch letting them know you have to do it right NOW! I KNOW that's what my DH was expecting. Once he realized it was nothing like that, he was totally cool with it. Good luck for your one more month but if it doesn't work, I'm sure he'll see that knowing is not so bad... GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

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