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ELHERR-12
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My heart is heavy today. I've been very excited about finally having an appointment with a specialist, until just the other day I basically realized how far I'm currently willing to go to get pregnant and if it doesn't happen that adoption just doesn't seem like the right choice for me. All of the treatment options sound so expensive, including adoption... If you go for public adoption it could be years before you get a child but private would cost the same as IVF and take just as long. My mind has completely turned off to the idea of having a baby and perusing treatment, so much so that I double booked myself for the days of our appointments and my husband was like umm wtf Elly!

Hoping this is just a phase I'm in and that the happy feelings of anticipation will come back soon... This feeling I have is dark and miserable and sad. I have started to wonder if I am not supposed to have children of my own. I have always wanted a bunch if kids... Now I feel like for some reason I should let go of that dream. It's horrible. My friends would all probably say "you've only been trying for 15 months, just give it time, don't give up" and I'm sure that I will snap out of this soon... Just had to get it off my chest.

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ELHERR-12
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That last post must have been caused by pms! Ha ha... AF showed up today, making my last cycle only 49 days... I think I'm finally getting on track with my cycles. Still not sure if I'm ovulating or not, because I quit bbt at 31 days and I'm thinking it may have happened on day 35-39 cuz I had cramps and sore boobs:) I guess we'll see what the fertility dr says in march.

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tmb0047
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I think you should give the BBT another shot. If you begin to get frustrated then just do it every second day until you get your mind set on it again. Would be nice to confirm ovulation this next cycle! I'm rootin' for ya! Have a look at my last chart (and the ones before it).....I know how frustrating these long cycles can be!

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ELHERR-12
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I think I may also try my OPK again this month starting on day 10... I feel very determined this cycle I will confirm ovulation!

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ELHERR-12
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6 more sleeps till our trip to Calgary. I'm getting super nervous and excited to find out what's happening... I think DH is too because he needed me to put his mind at ease last night before he could sleep. Fingers crossed we get a nice little problem that doesn't involve surgery to fix... Just a little medicine and tada!

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ELHERR-12
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I did my OPK test this morning and it actually had a faint line! I'm going to start doing them every day now to see if it keeps getting darker:) I'm at CD17 now so if I O soon I should only have a 35 ish day cycle.

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ELHERR-12
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I had a much darker line today... so got some BD time in, we'll see what happens Smile

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ELHERR-12
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So the line wasn't as dark yesterday when I tested and my bbt is up so I'm thinking I may have actually O'd! And the best news is DH and I have been bding every other day for the last couple weeks... So I'll be anxiously waiting to test in about 11 days;)

Hoping for BFP, but if not I guess we'll be ready to start with the fertility program...2 more sleeps till our appt!

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ELHERR-12
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Only a couple weeks away from getting the test results and possibly our first roun of IUI. I'm now getting a little scared/nervous about the clomid I'll be taking. I've been doing some reading on it and it seems like only a few people have used it without the side effects of craziness! I had an hsg last week and had to take antibiotics "just in case" and they gave me horrible stomach pains even now that the pills are done the stomach pains are at least more easy to deal with and subsiding a bit... But if that was a test on my strength for what's to come I must be crazy already!

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ELHERR-12
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Pregnant or not pregnant? That is the question! I have been checking my bbt chart everyday, I have been feeling things I've never felt before that would normally get me excited... But my heart is refusing to go to the place where it can be broken again by AF showing up. Tomorrow's temp will be the deciding facto on whether or not I test or not... If it's low I won't need to test, if it's high still, I might test to see if we have our own little miracle on the way.
My cousin just had her second baby yesterday. Another little girl! A few weeks early and by c sec. 4 lbs 7 oz and named Hailey Hazel. Hazel was our grandmothers name, I have grandmas middle name, which is sort of unique for my generation. But I feel a little bonded with the baby being named after the same person Smile I'm also very jealous of my cousin for having two babies already... They're only 16 months apart, they'll probably be beautiful and best friends Smile my cousin and I are 13 months apart and were best friends, but this being grown ups has pulled us apart a little Sad
I also have a friend that has gone through IVF and gotten two babies through surrogacy! It is a wonderful story, very positive since they had a 0% chance of having children and now they have 2! She tells me this story often and I'm getting tired of hearing, but it doesn't make me love her or her children any less... Every time I hear auntie or get to hold her little one I am totally and completely overtaken in love with them. The little one looks at me now with his blue eyes and it's like he knows he holds my heart in his hands! The oldest is 4 and loves when I tuck him in and read him stories... I am the only person who read 2 stories and I guess he asks when auntie is coming at night time again, and will try to get everyone to read a second story. I love those two so much!!!

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