I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what it is like to have to go through that. I have you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that you have a healthy, happy pregnancy soon.
We are all here to support and care for one another - let us know if you need to vent or a shoulder to cry on.
Hi Adrensmom,
Just wanted to send you a huge hug! I can't imagine how devestated you must be feeling. I am sooo sorry for your loss, I know there aren't any words that can help, just know that we are here and are thinking about you!!!!!
More hugs,
Elizabeth
I'm so sorry to hear about everything! I cannot imagine how you must feel right now. I know there is nothing we can say to make you feel better but just know that we all are here for you if you need to talk!
Hello there Horsegirl, Elizabeth, and Stevan: First off I want to thank-you all for your kind words. I too know that nothing anyone says to me can make or take the pain away but, it does help! Having you all to lend on for support, is great comfort and therapy for me. I really do appreciate it!! Since, this was my second one in 4mths, they did a D&E and not a D&C on me. Are you ladies aware that when a woman has one miscarriage that they don't considered that to be a problem, so they don't test the embryo or fetus? Even though after having one your chances for another one goes up 5-10% more, but we do plan to try again after I get the Pathology results,back!!
Keep us posted with the results. I knew that the Docs don't see a first m/c as a 'big deal' and that it is actually considered perfectly normal. I know that doesn't help in the slightest with the pain and the grief felt with a loss of a pregnancy - unfortunately it happens often enough that it isn't considered a big deal from a purely medical aspect (
I personally have never gone through an m/c before, but my mother had two before she got pregnant with me (at 34) and had one in between me and my sister. She said that the hardest part for her was that the doctors, who were by no means heartless or uncaring, basically gave her no outlet for emotional support. She was just told that it was 'nature's way' to deal with a baby that was somehow flawed and to be thankful that she could get pregnant in the first place (she was told that she would NEVER conceive - she has endo.) From all of the posts that I see here about m/c's, you would think that Drs would be a little more sensitive to the issue and that there would be a support group for those who have gone through this, whether it is the first time or it has happened multiple times.
I hope you can get a definitive answer from the D&E, and I wish you lots of luck and baby dust for your next cycle.
Hello Horsegirl: After my first m/c in February, the doctors and nurses acted like it was not a big deal, but it was to me because it was our baby!! From that first moment when I found out that I was pregnant, I loved my baby! Maybe if they considered a m/c to be a big deal and tested the embryo or fetus after we suffered losing a child, a women's rate of having
multiple m/c's would decrease!
We'll try again as long as I'm able to still have children, which, I believe will be true! A few months after our son was born I discussed wanting to have one more child with DH. I want you to know that we would never try to replace the babies that we lost!
At least I know that I can or could get pregnant. My main issue
which I worry the most about is my being able to carry to term! Take care of yourself....... Throwing lots of BD your and my way....
hi, i just wanted to comment on the health care profession's view on m/cs. i work in the ER and i notice too how low of a priority woman in the midst of have a m/c are given, and it shocks me. the hospital i work at is one of the best in the nation, so that is not to say that it is a bad hospital, but just the overall mentality about a woman having a m/c is so crazy. every time a patient signs in to be seen, the triage nurse has to prioritize the patients due to the severity of their illness, and pregnant woman who come in with vaginal bleeding are given quite a low priority, and often have to sit in the waiting room, bleeding, for hours before they come back. i suppose it might be because they assume the damage is already done, but it is just very sad to me. i pray that i will never have to go through that, or anyone i know.
I had no idea that is what happened in the ER for pregnant women. That is incredible. I mean, I understand entirely about triage situations, and know that you have to triage to keep the ER up and running (I worked at an emergency vet clinic) but that is just jaw dropping.
I know the thought behind not making a 'big deal' medically about one (or even two) m/c's is that, unfortunately, they do occur quite frequently - in fact most women have had an m/c and don't even know it. It can happen in the very early stage of pregnancy and it just seemed like they had a heavy period...
I would be outraged - even if there was nothing the hospital staff could do. At least send a nurse out to tell the poor woman what is going on and why it isn't seen as a 'big deal'.
Since you are talking about the incredibally insensitive and completely horrible (in my opinion) way women having a m/c are tx'd in the ER, I will share my story.....
My first m/c was my first pg.....I carried until I was between 10-11 weeks and then just felt "not pg" anymore. I had one small spot of blood at work and left to go to the emerg. I just knew, even tho I only had that one spot of blood.
So my first trip to the ER was okay. They listened and reacted well. Even gave me an u/s and said I had a missed m/c and the baby was only 9w and no heartbeat. Sent me on my way. I started bleeding a week later. My second trip to the ER was one week after I started blleding. I had actually stopped bleeding them on the Fri, started (TMI alert) passing clots bigger than my hand. I was at work and one of the girls had to drive me too the hospital. When I got there I waited a while, then was taken back to the cast room. They asked me for a pee sample, however I was unable to give them a clear one because of the bleeding (I was literally pouring with blood, couldn't keep a pad on or I would bleed over it in less than 15 min, so was basically sitting on the toilet), The nurse I gave it too gave me this disgusted look and and said she would not be able to use it so go get one without blood in it. The Dr "fixed" my m/c by pulling clots out through my cervix. I had three different nurses come in and take my history and then the Dr came in a took my history again. None offered any words of encouragement or helped me understand. I felt like I was burdening them by coming to Emerg. After that my family Dr refused to follow up with me because she just up and closed her practice, didn't refer me to anyone, or even talk to me herself. My thrid trip to emerg was another week later when I again stated passing the huge clots and almost fainted at work. This time I waited longer and was treated a little better, but refused to leave with out having a D&C. Which luckily I got. Pretty much the most horibble and tramatic experience of my life (r/t ttc).
It is basically like you are sitting there and losing your baby, crying and heartbroken, and they tell you you are not even important enough to be see by a Dr. Then when you do get to be seen by a Dr, most of the time you are just sent home anyway. It is really sad. They wouldn't even look after me while I was gushing blood on the floor and almost fainting from the pain i was in.
Now don't get me wrong, I know that there is not anything they can do, and I have nothing against nurses (I actually am a nurse) or Dr's, but I think a little commpassion is called for. Or if nothing else a little explanation.
I have never went back to the Er when having my m/c (except the second last one, which I only went because my Dr office told me to see my Dr there, it was a complete waste of time) and I don't think I ever would.
Sorry for the ramble.......
I wasn't sure I was going to come back. I wasn't really feeling the new board but I'm glad I did. I am liking the smilies and the fact that we can add our signature now. Keep the improvements coming because I really enjoy the support this message board has given me.
Andrensmom~
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine what it is like to have to go through that. I have you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that you have a healthy, happy pregnancy soon.
We are all here to support and care for one another - let us know if you need to vent or a shoulder to cry on.
__________________
Hi Adrensmom,
Just wanted to send you a huge hug! I can't imagine how devestated you must be feeling. I am sooo sorry for your loss, I know there aren't any words that can help, just know that we are here and are thinking about you!!!!!
More hugs,
Elizabeth
__________________
Hi Ardensmom,
I'm so sorry to hear about everything! I cannot imagine how you must feel right now. I know there is nothing we can say to make you feel better but just know that we all are here for you if you need to talk!
__________________
Hello there Horsegirl, Elizabeth, and Stevan: First off I want to thank-you all for your kind words. I too know that nothing anyone says to me can make or take the pain away but, it does help! Having you all to lend on for support, is great comfort and therapy for me. I really do appreciate it!! Since, this was my second one in 4mths, they did a D&E and not a D&C on me. Are you ladies aware that when a woman has one miscarriage that they don't considered that to be a problem, so they don't test the embryo or fetus? Even though after having one your chances for another one goes up 5-10% more, but we do plan to try again after I get the Pathology results,back!!
__________________
Andrensmom~
Keep us posted with the results. I knew that the Docs don't see a first m/c as a 'big deal' and that it is actually considered perfectly normal. I know that doesn't help in the slightest with the pain and the grief felt with a loss of a pregnancy - unfortunately it happens often enough that it isn't considered a big deal from a purely medical aspect
(
I personally have never gone through an m/c before, but my mother had two before she got pregnant with me (at 34) and had one in between me and my sister. She said that the hardest part for her was that the doctors, who were by no means heartless or uncaring, basically gave her no outlet for emotional support. She was just told that it was 'nature's way' to deal with a baby that was somehow flawed and to be thankful that she could get pregnant in the first place (she was told that she would NEVER conceive - she has endo.) From all of the posts that I see here about m/c's, you would think that Drs would be a little more sensitive to the issue and that there would be a support group for those who have gone through this, whether it is the first time or it has happened multiple times.
I hope you can get a definitive answer from the D&E, and I wish you lots of luck and baby dust for your next cycle.
__________________
Hello Horsegirl: After my first m/c in February, the doctors and nurses acted like it was not a big deal, but it was to me because it was our baby!! From that first moment when I found out that I was pregnant, I loved my baby! Maybe if they considered a m/c to be a big deal and tested the embryo or fetus after we suffered losing a child, a women's rate of having
multiple m/c's would decrease!
We'll try again as long as I'm able to still have children, which, I believe will be true! A few months after our son was born I discussed wanting to have one more child with DH. I want you to know that we would never try to replace the babies that we lost!
At least I know that I can or could get pregnant. My main issue
which I worry the most about is my being able to carry to term! Take care of yourself....... Throwing lots of BD your and my way....
__________________
hi, i just wanted to comment on the health care profession's view on m/cs. i work in the ER and i notice too how low of a priority woman in the midst of have a m/c are given, and it shocks me. the hospital i work at is one of the best in the nation, so that is not to say that it is a bad hospital, but just the overall mentality about a woman having a m/c is so crazy. every time a patient signs in to be seen, the triage nurse has to prioritize the patients due to the severity of their illness, and pregnant woman who come in with vaginal bleeding are given quite a low priority, and often have to sit in the waiting room, bleeding, for hours before they come back. i suppose it might be because they assume the damage is already done, but it is just very sad to me. i pray that i will never have to go through that, or anyone i know.
__________________
-Markelle
I had no idea that is what happened in the ER for pregnant women. That is incredible. I mean, I understand entirely about triage situations, and know that you have to triage to keep the ER up and running (I worked at an emergency vet clinic) but that is just jaw dropping.
I know the thought behind not making a 'big deal' medically about one (or even two) m/c's is that, unfortunately, they do occur quite frequently - in fact most women have had an m/c and don't even know it. It can happen in the very early stage of pregnancy and it just seemed like they had a heavy period...
I would be outraged - even if there was nothing the hospital staff could do. At least send a nurse out to tell the poor woman what is going on and why it isn't seen as a 'big deal'.
Totally appalling...
__________________
Since you are talking about the incredibally insensitive and completely horrible (in my opinion) way women having a m/c are tx'd in the ER, I will share my story.....
My first m/c was my first pg.....I carried until I was between 10-11 weeks and then just felt "not pg" anymore. I had one small spot of blood at work and left to go to the emerg. I just knew, even tho I only had that one spot of blood.
So my first trip to the ER was okay. They listened and reacted well. Even gave me an u/s and said I had a missed m/c and the baby was only 9w and no heartbeat. Sent me on my way. I started bleeding a week later. My second trip to the ER was one week after I started blleding. I had actually stopped bleeding them on the Fri, started (TMI alert) passing clots bigger than my hand. I was at work and one of the girls had to drive me too the hospital. When I got there I waited a while, then was taken back to the cast room. They asked me for a pee sample, however I was unable to give them a clear one because of the bleeding (I was literally pouring with blood, couldn't keep a pad on or I would bleed over it in less than 15 min, so was basically sitting on the toilet), The nurse I gave it too gave me this disgusted look and and said she would not be able to use it so go get one without blood in it. The Dr "fixed" my m/c by pulling clots out through my cervix. I had three different nurses come in and take my history and then the Dr came in a took my history again. None offered any words of encouragement or helped me understand. I felt like I was burdening them by coming to Emerg. After that my family Dr refused to follow up with me because she just up and closed her practice, didn't refer me to anyone, or even talk to me herself. My thrid trip to emerg was another week later when I again stated passing the huge clots and almost fainted at work. This time I waited longer and was treated a little better, but refused to leave with out having a D&C. Which luckily I got. Pretty much the most horibble and tramatic experience of my life (r/t ttc).
It is basically like you are sitting there and losing your baby, crying and heartbroken, and they tell you you are not even important enough to be see by a Dr. Then when you do get to be seen by a Dr, most of the time you are just sent home anyway. It is really sad. They wouldn't even look after me while I was gushing blood on the floor and almost fainting from the pain i was in.
Now don't get me wrong, I know that there is not anything they can do, and I have nothing against nurses (I actually am a nurse) or Dr's, but I think a little commpassion is called for. Or if nothing else a little explanation.
I have never went back to the Er when having my m/c (except the second last one, which I only went because my Dr office told me to see my Dr there, it was a complete waste of time) and I don't think I ever would.
Sorry for the ramble.......
__________________
I wasn't sure I was going to come back. I wasn't really feeling the new board but I'm glad I did. I am liking the smilies and the fact that we can add our signature now. Keep the improvements coming because I really enjoy the support this message board has given me.
__________________
Nancy 12/8 Anatomy Scan U/S - Gender Determination too - hopefully!