What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting


What He Can Expect When She’s Not Expecting

By: Marc Sedaka

I just picked up the book, What He Can Expect When She’s Not Expecting by Marc Sedaka.  I have to admit that I was drawn to it because of the title and because there are not many books out there from the man’s point of view when it comes to infertility.

In this book, Marc tells of the journey that he and his wife travelled together trying to become parents.  It is a happily ever after story in so much as they do bring home their own bundle of joy at the end of six long years of trying.  Their six years were made up of fertility medication, 16 artificial insemination procedures, 9 IVF attempts and 5 doctors.  Marc and has definitely been through it all and has plenty to share about his experience.

The book does a good job of taking men through the process of TTC while struggling with infertility.  Marc starts out by talking about how you decide upon the perfect time to begin trying for a baby.  He continues on to say that men usually “want” to have kids, but women “need” to have kids.  It is his way of explaining the gut level, heart wrenching, overcome with emotion feeling that most of us women have when we are ready to have a family but aren’t able to. He then takes men through the experiences of fertility appointments, fertility treatments, fertility procedures, the exploration of adopting from China and finally their experience of starting a family via surrogacy.  Lots of good information in this book!

What I think I like best though, is that although he is sharing the internal dialogue he was having with himself during his own personal TTC journey, it is very clear that he loves his wife dearly.  And although the topic of the book lends itself to an informational type of reading experience, the common thread throughout his story is that men need to step up and support their partners during the experience.  He is very forthcoming in telling men that they can support their partners by communicating, listening, taking the initiative during the process when appropriate and also sitting back and letting the woman do what she needs to during the process.

In his chapter titled, The Invisible Man, he has a chart that shows all the treatments they endured during their TTC process and the role that they played in each one.  Marc is clear in pointing out that most of the painful, awful stuff that you have to go through when working with the fertility doctors happens to the woman.  He mentions that during this same time, the most he ever had to do was give a sperm sample. He believes that because of this, women deserve to be treated with kindness and love and to support them in any way you can during the TTC process.

This book also does a good job describing the complete emotional and physical roller coaster that hitting infertility head on may take on couples.  It is quite a journey that they travelled together, that is for sure!

It is definitely a book that would appeal to men though. There is plenty of sarcasm and and many jokes/comments that only men would truly appreciate and/or understand.  Even the chapters are organized in a baseball framework:

The Tryouts

Spring Training

The Game

The Post Game Analysis

I give this book a thumbs up if you feel like you and your partner are heading down the road of medical assistance or surrogacy in the hopes of starting a family!

Comments

Increase your chances of getting pregnant you need to spend a little time understanding your menstrual cycle and ovulation calendar therefore being able to predict ovulation.

Anonymous — Oct 08, 2012
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Over and over again women attempt to fall pregnant with knowing precious little about their cycle, ovulation and much less how to construct and chart an ovulation calendar. Understanding how the menstrual cycle works, will increase one’s chance for conceiving naturally.

mk sharma — Oct 07, 2012
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