I found out that I was again pregnant for the second time this year in early May. After my miscarriage in February, I thought that I would never get pregnant again, due to my age! Then God blessed me with another miracle, after my second visit from AF. This past Tuesday, I was scheduled for my first look US and first Prenatal visit. Durning the ultrasound, I could see an image on screen but was told to empty my bladder so that a Vaginal US could be performed. After the lead doctor came in to check my measurements again, I was told yet again for the second time in 4months, that I had miscarried! I could not believe that God would put me through this pain again! I was and still am very confused, hurt, and upset.

Hi Adrensmom,
I am so sorry about your m/c. And to know that it isn't your first one makes my heart heavy for you. I can't even imagine all the emotions you are feeling right now.
Sending you a big hug, and know that we are all here for you!
Elizabeth

Elizabeth: Since, I received the news last Tuesday, I've been very angry and upset. All I keep remembering is how I was waking up and I saw them put the embryo in a plastic double bag and I can't get that thought out of my mind no matter how hard I try!! After my first m/c in February, a lot of family members thought that me and DH shouldn't have grieved, because it wasn't actually a baby yet! But, I really didn't care what they thought it was our child that was lost. We choose to deal with the loss together. But, now that I've had more then 1 m/c everyone trying to be a little more compassionate. I pray that God bleses me with another chance at motherhood, but I'm also scared of losing, yet, another child again!

Hi Adrensmom,
I completely understand your frustration and anger. ANY pregnancy lost is devestating and destroys you emotionally, I don't care how far along in your pregnancy you are. It is a HUGE loss and takes time to grieve. I don't know if can ever really get passed it since each time you immediately fall in love with the baby. That is the part that many folks don't quite understand. Sorry you haven't gotten huge hugs with each of your losses, you deserve it!!!!!!!!! And wow, that is an image that I would have a hard time letting go of, I am so sorry!!!!!!!!! I can't imagine opening my eyes and having that be the scene in front of me. Probably and out of body experience where you are telling yourself, "This can't be happening to me!"
Take care of yourself, sending you more hugs!!!!!!!!
Elizabeth

Elizabeth:
I see that you're a night owl like myself. My son Adren had a late night and just went to sleep a little over an hour ago, so I decided to get on line and read and leave a couple of e-mails. Since the lost of the baby I havn't really gotten very much sleep!
Usually when I do go to bed it's after 3am and then I lay awake and cry for a few minutes! I can't seem to stop thinking about what we've lost and can never get back! I miss my baby with everything inside of me will never know if they were a boy or girl and which one of us they would have looked like? I thank God each and every day for my little Boo-boo. He's trully a blessing, yet I still long for a baby to hold in my arms, again!!
I pray that when the Fertility nurse Kathy calls me back on Thursday to schedule my appt in their clinic that they can get to
the root of my problem! Thanks for all your support!!!
(PS): I left this message for you, after 2am, this past Tuesday morning!

Hi there Elizabeth: It's almost 2am in Massachusetts and I'm up watching a repeat of Thursday's All My children. I decided to log-in and check for any new e-mails and hoped that I run into you also on-line. Yesterday was a hard one for me, because, it was a week ago that I had the D&E. I miss my baby more and more with each passing day and even though I love my son and DH with all my heart, I still long to have a baby to hold in my arms, again! DS will be two at the end of the month and with each pasing day, he grows, more independent! I'm not needed by him as much as I use to be and that makes both happy and a little sad! I can remember the day that he was born like it was yesterday and it was the second happiest was of my life, the first being our wedding day. Last Thursday was the last day that anyone in my family called my home to check and find out how I was doing. They still consider my loss not a loss because, I only carried for 2months and it wasn't a baby yet! I have not been consoled by my family. I just wish that someone, anyone, will hug me and tell me that everything will be all right! So here I sit four months after my first D&C wondering what I must have done wrong to deserve such heartbreak and pain, again? But, I
wouldn't wanted my baby to suffer just because I wanted them here with me! On a more positive note, yesterday I talked to a nurse in the fertility clinic. She's trying to set up the first available appt with a doctor there to see me in the next month. She informed me of two things, (1): that it takes about 4-6weeks, before the Pathology results come back, (2): 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage! Having babies or TTC is not as easy as people would make you believe it is. I use to think for the longest time that all you had to do was BD and it would happen, boy was I wrong! It also has nothng to do with a women's age, you can be 22 or 42 and still have problemsTTC!!! I pray that God will bless us older women with another chance at motherhood! I do believe that if it's in God's plans for us, it will definitely happen! We can't give up hope or lose our faith and pray each and everyday. You're wished lots and lots of BD........ ..... Take care........

Hi Adrensmom!

It is almost midnight here and I am just sitting down to the computer!! Sorry that you are still up at 2:00 AM. It is a very quiet time isn't it? Sometimes it is my favorite time of the day....when everyone is tucked in and asleep upstairs and just me and the tv and my computer downstairs! However, the silence can also bring you to tears when things are tough. I am soooo sorry no one has just given you a hug and said, 'I am sooo sorry this heartbreaking thing has happened to you, we will all miss your baby very much!"

Glad to hear that the doctor is going to try and get you in quickly. I think it is so hard to wait though. It is almost as if they don't quite get the sense of urgency we feel to get things figured out and to make a plan for pregnancy. It will feel so much better to have some answers..I just wish for you that you could get them sooner than later so that you can sleep again!!!!! Big hugs to you!!!!

On a lighter note, I had to laugh, I am waiting for the repeat of General Hospital to start!!! And I too have a little one who will be 2 in a couple of weeks. She is feeling so big to me lately. Sooo independent and her own little person. Definitely not a baby anymore. I treasure the moments when she just wants to cuddle!!

Hope tomorrow is a lighter day for you and that you can get some sleep!

Talk to you soon!
Elizabeth

Hi there Elizabeth
It's 12:56am and I'm catching up on yesterday's episode of The Young and The Restless. All My Children is next at 1am and after that goes off, I plan on taking a shower and getting dressed for bed. Hopefully, I'll, be able to fall asleep, before 4am!
I know that it was hard for DH to have to hear that I'd lost yet another baby, but, he hasn't asked me how I felt in days. He doesn't talk at all about things. I just can't understand why when he knows how much, I loved our baby and wanted him or her! Most of the time husbands, just don't know what to say or do! I need him now more then ever and he's just not there for me the way that I need him to be!
I don't expect him to feel the same way that I felt about the baby, and still do feel, because, I carried our baby inside of me for 8wks! They will never know what it feels like to have a life growing inside of you! My follow-up appt is this coming Thursday in the early afternoon, I'm suppose to be examined and have some tests done. I do know that they plan to go over all my options with me, but, since the Pathology results are not due back in for another 4-5wks, they still can't give me any definite answers or proof! I'm at a stand still for now!
Karen in the Fertility dept, did promise, to book my appt with her earliest available doctor and appt and if the results are back in sooner, then, the appt will be moved up!! I appreciate you always taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with me! You are trully an angel here on earth! As always, I wish you all the best TTC this cycle and everyone afterwards. Please take care of yourself..........

Hi Adrensmom,
Just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling today? Hoping also that you are able to get a little sleep tonight!!!
Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth:
Saturday night was hard on me! In the shower, I started crying, once I placed my hand on my stomach and it was in those few minutes that the lost hit home for me! I knew that no matter what I did or said nothing would ever bring my little miracle back to me! DH came in the bathroom to check on me and also to say goodnight and found me sitting on the tub crying! He looked so worried, but, of course, he didn't know what to say!I know that he's hurting also, but, he won't talk to me about what's it's doing to him! I feel like when I lost our child that I'm let him and my family down! I don't understand how a women's body can reject her own flesh and blood? It thundered and rained heavy Saturday night here in Boston for hours and I planned on trying to get to bed early, but, of course, I didn't! I got out the shower at midnight and still didn't end up going to sleep until 4:30am. It's now 16mns past 11pm and I want to take a shower soon, so I can try and get to bed early. I've yet to get any sleep since my D&E and it's starting to take it's toll on me mentally and physically. My litle Boo-boo is still up and moving all around in his crib, so, I'm not sure if I'l get the chance to go to bed early, because, no matter, how tired I might be, I won't leave him up alone!