Baby Showers..... Love Them or Dread Them?

Are Baby Showers Fun?

Baby gifts, onesies, booties, teethers, baby games, flowers and a cake decorated with little ducks, bunnies and flowers.  You have just entered the world of everything baby. 

A baby shower…….  For many this is a completely enjoyable event.  They love to shower the mom-to-be with gifts, share their mom wisdom and take part in the non-stop conversation about babies, pregnancies and child birth. It should be a heartfelt day of celebration filled with love and laughter.

But for me, it is an emotionally taxing experience that leaves me angry and so, so, so sad.  It seems to conjure up all my feelings of loss for a baby that I am scared I will never get to meet, jealousy of all the women that seem to get pregnant with a snap of their fingers and then large amounts of guilt for feeling this way.

My inner turmoil stems from truly feeling happy for a friend who is about to welcome a little one into the world, combined with my overwhelming feeling of sadness for not being able to experience the most fundamental experience that none other can compete with… pregnancy and child birth.

I always wonder if these feelings I have about baby showers will ever pass.  I attended one this weekend that was everything you could have hoped for: nice people, good food, a very sweet and humble mom-to-be and a room full of love.

The party started with a blessing way, which is meant to celebrate and support the mom-to-be as she enters into her final stage of her pregnancy.  We all brought a bead to be added to a necklace that the mom-to-be could have with her during and after childbirth.  The necklace was meant to remind her of all our love and support, in hopes that it would give her added strength during the tough times.  As we added our bead we all shared a wish we had for her.  It was a wonderful idea, and one that lead to many tears and the passing around of the Kleenex box. 

Then there were the party games; a word jumble of baby related words, a Pictionary type game where we all drew pictures of babies, and the all famous, "Guess the circumference of the mom-to-be's belly."  Then the presents…… all the cute little jammies, stuffed animals, soft blankets and baby toys.  Each time she opened a gift, I felt like I was getting my heart ripped out of my chest.  Each present was a reminder of all the jammies I am not able to put on my baby, all the blankets I am not able to wrap around my own little one and all the baby toys that I am not getting to share with my baby.

The hardest part of it all was that the party was not about me and my feelings; it was about this wonderfully gracious woman who will make a fantastic mom to her new little bundle.  And although my head knew that, my heart had me looking up at the clock every couple of minutes.  And with each passing moment, I felt myself become more and more upset.  I was just waiting for when I could gracefully say my good-byes, get in the car and have a good cry as I drove home.  

Will it ever get easier?


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By TTC veteran and mother of two, Elizabeth Andrews.